Perspective on College Acceptances and Denials: A Personal Letter to Rice Seniors

Dear Senior Class,

It seems impossible that we are counting down the final ten weeks of school until your graduation day!  We have enjoyed the crazy rollercoaster ride that has been your four years at Rice Memorial High School. You have worked hard, grown immensely, and have gone from timid Freshmen to confident Seniors ready to take on the world.  And now we are in the thick of what is supposed to be the payoff for all that hard work: the college acceptance notification season.  For many of you, this could be the most anticipated moment in your life so far.

For your class, the landscape is daunting.  Dozens of colleges across the US have reported their largest applicant pools ever.  With these record-high numbers, it is very likely that there will also be record numbers of students who are waitlisted or denied admission to colleges they dream about attending.

But we know you, you have never backed down from a challenge.  Whether it was attending school daily in a mask, getting your temperature checked at the door, walking through uni-directional hallways, or lunch in your classroom.  You persevered through all of that, and this last hurdle is not going to bring you down.

Many of you have been taught that all that your effort was to “get into a good college”.  And that March of 2024 would be the payoff for all of that effort.  If only life worked that way.  But inevitably disappointment, heartache, frustration, and feeling… no knowing… that something that affected your life was unfair, is a part of each human’s experience. If not this college acceptance season, these feelings will likely find you at some point in your life.  The question is, what will you do, how will you react when it happens to you?  

Please remember as you receive and open your admissions decisions that where you get accepted does not validate who you are.  You are already valid.  You are an incredibly unique person.  There is no one else with your precise interests, talents, creativity, sense of humor, or distinct personality.  You have intrinsic value because you are the only you the world will ever know!  

For those of you who are choosing a path other than traditional college after graduation, we stand with you as well.  If you are taking a gap year, doing a post-grad year, going into military service, or joining the workforce we know you may be feeling judged as well.  Often students who choose another path feel “less than” during college admissions time.  That is not the case for us.  We want to support you in being brave enough, and unique enough to follow your heart on a road less traveled.  We want to celebrate you and what you have given to this community for four years and what you have to offer the world.  We need people like you who have the personal insight to recognize your uniqueness and don’t have to follow the crowd.  The gifts and strengths you bring to the table are greatly appreciated and we look forward to hearing great things as you set off on the course you feel called to follow.

We are euphoric with each of you Seniors who get accepted to your first-choice college!  We have cheered for you, given you high fives, and remarked on how amazing you look in that new crewneck sweatshirt with the college logo.  We hope that your experiences on those campuses are everything you dream of and so much more.  We can’t wait to see what you do and we will take pride in every one of your accomplishments and remark on how we knew you “back when”.  We know that your acceptance to those schools has been extremely gratifying, but you do not need that letter to prove you are worthy.  We have witnessed you have lived, worked, and carried yourself with integrity in our presence daily.  You already were that person before you were able to put that splashy logo on your IG.  

We want you to know, that if you do not get an acceptance letter from that dream school, your work and brilliance do not change. Scholarly work is not a means, but an end.  The growth you achieved during high school was the goal, not the acceptance letter.  All of the late nights spent working on that DBQ weren’t just about learning about forming concise arguments, they were about developing character.  All of the time spent studying with the group for AP Seminar wasn’t about getting a decent grade for the quarter, it was about learning that others could make you better rather than going it alone.  And all the time you spent trying to finish pages of Calc spiral reviews, you were actually developing persistence.  And the innumerable hours you spent working on ball or puck-handling skills in the off-season was really about developing self-discipline when there was no immediate payoff.  And all of the times you dragged yourself out of bed and hustled to the school door instead of pushing the snooze button or stopping for coffee were about developing consistency and showing determination.  And all those times you came to school or did your homework when you really weren’t feeling 100% well were about overcoming adversity and developing resilience.  And all of those times you pretended your hands weren’t shaking when you forced yourself to stand in front of the class and recite your Poetry Out Loud were about learning that getting out of your comfort zone can make you stronger.  And all of those times you took the hard path in your studies and in your relationships instead of settling for the easy way out were about developing integrity.  

You see, we tricked you, you thought this whole thing was about “getting into a good college”, and it was actually about developing people of character, self-discipline, resilience, compassion, faith, hope, passion, and integrity.  The mission statement that hangs on my wall doesn’t say, “to guide our students toward acceptances at prominent higher-education institutions”, it says “to guide our students toward the realization of their God-given potential”.  We see you Seniors, and you are well on your way!  

You see in all the noise about choosing a college, applying, and getting your decisions back we lose sight of this foundational fact.  Where you go is not who you will be.

Part of navigating life is knowing who you really are… being genuine about yourself.  This is one of those moments where you need to be completely genuine.  Did you earn it?  If so, a “thick envelope” does not substantiate your experience and a thin one does not diminish it.  The most important validation is what you feel inside.  What you know about yourself that no college, no job, no other person can take away from you.

Do you remember middle school and how badly you wanted to have that black Thrasher hoodie with the flaming logo on the sleeves?  Or those checkerboard slip-on Vans?  Or anything with a NASA logo?  That was about four or five years ago.  Do you feel the same way about that gear now?  My guess is that you may feel very differently about some of the “name-brand” colleges you want so desperately right now in four years.  And, you may feel very differently about your 2nd tier colleges as well once you have gotten to know the amazing people that are a part of those communities on a daily basis.  

Do you believe that out of the 7.9 billion people on planet Earth there is only one perfect person for you to spend your life with and any other partner would be a mistake?  Some people genuinely do, but I don’t.  I believe that you can make a beautiful, fulfilling, and brilliant life with a number of unique people in a number of different places, doing a great variety of different things.  I believe that in some ways when we are given free will, we are given a “choose your own adventure” life, and that is part of the beauty of God’s plan.  Now, what do you believe about colleges?  Is there only one perfect college for you and any other would be a mistake?  Part of the thrill of the next chapter of your life is becoming what you are meant to be no matter where you are and who you are with.  If a door you thought you were meant to walk through closes in your face, you find a way around it, over it, or even find your way to a new door that opens to a path that is even more adrenaline-charged and fascinating than the one behind the door you originally thought was yours. And, even more powerful is this truth.  It will mean more if you have to make your own path around those closed doors.  Those are the moments that bring the greatest satisfaction.  When you achieve something that was not a direct path.  When it was immensely challenging and maybe you even doubted yourself at some dark point along the way.  The feeling of triumph in your success is different when things are not easy.  Those conquering moments are the magic sauce that brings meaning deeper than one can ask or imagine in life.  

Yes, Seniors college decision season is going to bring its share of high and low moments.  

For those of you who begin to doubt, I encourage you to trust your great moments.  Trust the moments in life when you knew deep in your being who you were.  And trust your truth-tellers.  Trust the people that you let see the real you.  Colleges have a limited and truncated set of mostly two-dimensional facts about you and maybe just a few minutes to decide if you will be accepted, waitlisted or denied admission.  Don’t allow their decisions about you be the definitive word on your worth.  We know you and we see what you have to offer.  You can change the world at any institution you choose to attend.  College is the next chapter in your life and you can be whatever you want to be in that story.  If you want to be a more dedicated scholar, or more caring family member, or a more loyal, involved friend, start that journey today. We believe in you.  We are immensely proud of who you have become.  And where you do or do not get accepted does not determine how proud we are of you.  Your worth as a person is not diminished or influenced by what these colleges have decided.

Whatever school you choose to attend will never define who you are.  It is just the opposite.  That college exists to help you define yourself.

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Special thanks to Dennis Mahoney of Winchester High School for inspiring these thoughts and to several Rice students who helped with critical details.  
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Sincerely, 
Mr. Drew Farrell, Wellness Counselor at Rice